I realize that in the past three years I had it better than 99 % of my fellow citizens. I had financial security, a lovely and safe home and was surrounded by a natural wonderland that allowed me to ramble and explore while others had to shelter from the world .

So when I sit down to analyze how the last 2 and a half years impacted me I understand I was very very lucky but still …

I had retired early in 2017 and had already laid out the initial trips I had planned. Transatlantic on the Queen Mary and several months rambling around Europe . It was carefree , unscheduled and for the first time in my life I truly was the master of my own destiny. No meetings , no phone calls , no responsibility. I traveled where I wanted to and how I wanted to . I think I’ll take a freighter from Philadelphia to Auckland. 28 days of just me wandering around a huge working ship , reading , watching and basically seeing the world without internet or cell phones . Two months then in New Zealand exploring from north to south. No schedules , no requirements . Just a rental car and me

A round the world trip by planes , boat, trains, cars and a big cruise ship . A trip that included a flight , a river cruise friends, family visits , revisits to places from my youth like Thailand and Cambodia and from my work like China and Vietnam and finally Hong Kong

We were in Hong Kong when all hell broke lose and we managed to get on the last flight out on American from HK to LA . Of course I never thought that would be the last international flight I would make for three years.

I’m A 65 year old gay man who knows that whatever time I have is counted in years not decades or quarter centuries. So the first thing that began to haunt me was that the worlds clock has stopped but mine hadn’t. The world had come to a stand still but my life clock hadn’t. Suddenly all the things and people I had planned on seeing and experiencing were put on hold but not my life . 1year, 2year, 3year 3 years of things I wanted to do, to live but I was on a big time out while my clock ticked away . I found myself feeling depressed and pessimistic. I. began to drift away from friends and even events I used to love . My husband felt compelled due to his family to stay in Philadelphia and shelter there so we were only seeing each other once or twice a month. I felt isolated and a deep sense that I was losing time I could never recapture.

Secondly , even when your clock stops the rest of the world continues. I never had children, perhaps my biggest regret but I have Godchildren and nieces and nephews who I love like my own kids and while my life was stopped their lives went faster as they negotiated perilous job situations, illness ,loss and new life. I felt disconnected from the people I love more than anything on earth and I was in a time lock I couldn’t overcome. Those three years seemed like a big chunk of time this late in life

In the almost 3 years I’ve been stuck here my 3 god kids have produced 4 kids with a 5th to arrive any day. I haven’t met a single one. Not even the one named after me! So, today I turned my clock back on. Going to start moving at full speed and am determined that I am heading out to the world again and start my life clock ticking and reconnecting to the places and more importantly the people I love and need to reconnect with.

I get the world suffered so much more than I did and it’s a minor thing in the scope of things. So let’s start the clock again and get going !!!